No Saving… No Blaming…

I am sure everyone reading this has probably gone through the experience of trying to save someone they cared about, and most likely, trying to save him or her from themselves. It can be a frustrating experience. Odds are, you failed anyway. I have done my fair share of trying to “save” loved ones from drugs or alcohol. Just to keep from sounding too melodramatic, you can also try to save friends from lesser things, too, like poor relationships or investments or decisions. And I have learned one thing I am certain about these days: you cannot save anyone. You can offer a shoulder to lean on. You can offer advice, encouragement and assistance while they are they learning to understand their situation. And they may evolve & grow. But you can’t do it for them, and you can’t make them do it. They have to want to go through the process, whatever it is for the situation.

At this point we can fall back on the old joke “How many therapists does it take to change a light bulb?” with the answer “Only one, but the light bulb has to want to change.” But I think the concept goes much deeper than mere psychological jargon. I believe very strongly, down to marrow of my bones, we all create our own reality, on every level. I believe we choose when we are born, and choose when we die. We choose our joyous experiences, and we choose our misfortunes and calamities, too.

Admittedly, I believe there are times we serve as someone else’s karma, so to speak, but even then, that person has to be open and willing to accept. We may not be aware of the nature of the karma we are giving out, but this does not excuse us from unkind or inconsiderate behavior toward others. We can all be cooperative with each other as we each try to save our own selves.

Now, since we can’t really save anyone, we need to see the other side of the coin. We can’t blame anyone, either. If we create our own reality, then we are drawing to us what we want, consciously or not. No one can hold you back, unless you want to be held back. If you feel a spouse or a boss or a situation is keeping you from your plans or dreams, you are making excuses. Every time you say to yourself “If only I had ______, I could ______” then you are telling yourself you do not believe in any other options. You are choosing to close doors because you cannot consciously see any other solution. Your own beliefs and assumptions hold you back. Our beliefs create our reality.

So the next time you stop and say “I can’t ______ because ______” try adding the thought “so there must be another way to do ______.”

And the next time after that, start out by saying “I need to find a way to do______.”

You may say this is just words… but it is about your affect on your reality via attitudes and beliefs. It is about your intent.

• • • • • •
SPECIAL NOTE: On Friday August 20th, at 8pm, I will be giving a talk called “You Create Your Own Reality: The Lessons of the Seth Material & Ways To Apply Them To Your Life” for The Eyes Of Learning, in Hicksville, Long Island, NY. If you wish to attend, go to and scroll down to August 20th for details. ($10 members, $15 non-members) The Eyes of Learning Center is Long Island’s “oldest and most respected metaphysical learning center” and they always have interesting talks and demonstrations scheduled. If you live on Long Island, check them out.


  1. Well said, Tony.

    Oh, and Liz: Thank you for the poem! Borrowing it!

  2. Liz Hill says:

    Great post.

    If I may, one of my favorite poems. She hits the mark on this topic (not that you didn’t!)

    The Journey by Mary Oliver

    One day you finally knew
    what you had to do, and began,
    though the voices around you
    kept shouting
    their bad advice—
    though the whole house
    began to tremble
    and you felt the old tug
    at your ankles.
    “Mend my life!”
    each voice cried.
    But you didn’t stop.
    You knew what you had to do,
    though the wind pried
    with its stiff fingers
    at the very foundations,
    though their melancholy
    was terrible.
    It was already late
    enough, and a wild night,
    and the road full of fallen
    branches and stones.
    But little by little,
    as you left their voices behind,
    the stars began to burn
    through the sheets of clouds,
    and there was a new voice
    which you slowly
    recognized as your own,
    that kept you company
    as you strode deeper and deeper
    into the world,
    determined to do
    the only thing you could do—
    determined to save
    the only life you could save.


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