Love and Astrology, Part 2: Self-Sacrifice is Counter-Intuitive

Self-sacrifice is a useless concept. As an astrologer I see each person as a unique individual with distinctive skills and abilities. Every birth chart is different, but even if people are born at the same time, date and year in the same hospital, they will still exercise free will in how they choose manifest their innate talents.

And I believe each person’s uniqueness should fit into the big picture exactly as they are. Each piece of a jigsaw puzzle is unique, and when each piece adds its unique qualities to all the other pieces, something much larger is created, while still maintaining the shape and integrity of each individual component. Each piece is not sacrificing itself to serve the larger goal, but finding the way its particular size and shape can serve the big picture. And serve is the word I prefer to “self-sacrifice.” Every person serves society best by applying his or her natural gifts to society. The motto “think globally, act locally” fits well here. It is easy to see how a doctor or accountant or policeman serves society, but ultimately we all serve, whether or not it is obvious.

And I carry these same concepts with me when I look at one-to-one relationships in astrological charts. My first and best advice to any client asking me about their love life is “Work on yourself.” The healthier you can be, the clearer you see yourself and the more evolved you are, the easier it is to recognize love in your life.

Many times I have clients who claim, “I did everything he/she wanted. Why didn’t it work out?” If you sacrificed all of yourself to please your partner, who was there for your partner to love? Did they ever get a chance to meet you, get to know you? Were you hiding in plain sight?

We all carry past baggage with us. We may be fantasizing about what an ideal partner is supposed to be. We may be holding on to scars received from previous relationships. But when you meet someone new, you must strive to see past your presumptions. If someone loves you, or if you love someone, that love has to be all encompassing. Love is not blind, but it is accepting. And love is a kind of contemplation, a focus, about another person. When you love someone, you keep that person in your heart all the time. The faults they may have do not repel you. They are all the components of that person, and even the so-called faults are part of them. You love them regardless. I don’t feel this implies you don’t wish a loved one to grow and evolve and improve… but who they are is more important than what you think they should be. And love may compel you to serve the person you love, but serve and support them in the way only you uniquely can. Give as only you can give.

So… no to self-sacrifice, because how can you serve and honor and love someone if you think it is ok to sacrifice your self to do so?


  1. Susie says:

    Hi Tony
    Bravo, my friend. I feel so good after reading Cosmic Tuesday. Tony this is good for my soul, thank you again. Sometimes life gets so busy and you need this inspiration .

  2. golden says:

    Some people, like Neptunian types, are naturally self-sacrificing. That’s them. They can’t not do it. It’s sort of compulsive. They see people taking advantage, but when asked in a certain way, they just give. The heart makes them.

    Our society gives self-sacrifice a bad rap. And there is the self-sacrifice which isn’t sacrifice at all, but just a bunch of secret agendas. True self-sacrifice with no strings attached is HOLY.


    1. I think it is possible to serve lovingly without self-sacrifice. If Neptunian types are natural givers, they are still serving by being themselves. Perhaps we are just arguing semantics, but I feel the notion of service is more responsible and respectful than self-sacrifice.

  3. Dealing with this very issue on a personal level right now while taking care of my Grandmother, who’s turning 90 in 26 days. Not exactly a romantic relationship… but there has been so much I had to learn about “not giving up everything” about myself in order to be able to be the person who can be present enough to help her with patience.

    No easy task, recognizing the truth about the uselessness of self-sacrifice, whether it is with a significant other or what you may be doing for a loved-one. But there isn’t a doubt in the world we truly do receive the best blessings when we are first and foremost, present for ourselves. Then, we really can do anything…

    Blessings to you Tony,

  4. kaali says:

    Thanks for this beautiful post. It says you have a great heart and soul.
    Blessed be!

  5. Great post. A must-read for all Neptunians.

    This is one of the nicest ways in which I have seen love defined, “Love is not blind, but it is accepting. And love is a kind of contemplation, a focus, about another person.”

    Love your blog!


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